I've got less than three weeks left.
Driving home last night, after my second good bye of that day and only my twentieth goodbye of this week, I realized... as we get older... our summers get shorter.
When we are little kids, our summer goes on FOREVER. Its the time between the last day of school, and the first day of the next year.
In high school, our summer gets shortened a little bit, by the plague of summer assignments and a return to school mandated by registration.
But by the time you graduate and are waiting to move on to the next, your summer really gets quite short. August is no longer a month of vacation and idleness.... its a time of and for goodbyes... which leave you with nothing to do but mold to your couch in between tear stained ciaos.
The goodbyes have been extensive. My first and most dramatic goodbye of course happened between the one and only shitbeck and I. That one was the worst. Partially because it was the first, partially because of how much I love shitbeck and her family, and partially because I left on a ferry... something about boats and saying goodbye makes it all the more dramatic. But really.
But, it does seem they get easier. Not only with the goodbyes I have left to do, but also each summer it seems people get more accustomed to it. I witnessed a few high fives and a "peace out nigga" suffice for a goodbye between "goodbye alums" (if you will) the other day.
So why is it that this first round of goodbyes is so dang hard?
I think its because all of us don't really know what the hell sits in front of us. For everyone college bound its that weird nervous anxiety of like.... WTF WHAT IF I DON'T MAKE FRIENDS... OR WHAT IF I'M THE KID WHO FLUNKS OUT.... OR WHAT IF I JUST HATE IT....
For me, I'm pretty much guaranteed to make friends.. in a way. Traveling with the same 14 people kind of mandates that eventually, we are all going to get along and like each other to one degree or another. Seeing as there are no grades on my journey, I won't be flunking out.... but the last part, I guess kinda worries me... What if I do hate it? But knowing me... I won't.
Maybe its none of those little worries that make the goodbyes so hard... Its not only the friendships I know we will miss, but maybe also the lifestyle?
We've all been begging for our independence for so long... testing the limits of curfew, of behavior, of our day to day routines.... but now, independence is ours. and what we've all fought so hard for... SEEMS A LITTLE BIT FREAKIN SCARY.
Maybe... Just maybe, I'm more freaked out than most. But one thing is keeping me from going freaking psycho...
All the little memories.
All the nights I slept over at a friends house... rather shamelessly?
All the dinners.
All the car rides.
All the adventures.
All the stories.
All... the madness.....
This summer has been phenomenal. From sushi dinners that ended in running through parking lots and into cars.... From nights on various tile floors. From spontaneous swim adventures to spontaneous trips across the country or to the beach.... From the strengthening of relationships between people I've known since kindergarten (or before) to the birth of beautiful friendships with people I hope to keep in contact with for a long while. This summer in its own little way, has a been a journey.
Not unlike the journeys we all embark on much too soon for my own comfort level.
A lot of people have been asking me how I feel about my year ahead. Basically, I feel like I did before I went sky diving. I had already committed to going, and I knew I would love the experience. What I did not know, however, was what it was actually going to be like. I didn't know how free fall would feel... and to a small degree, I was uncertain if the shoot would open. But.... I wasn't really scared or nervous.... Because I knew eventually, I'd just be on the edge of the plane.... and I'd have to jump out.
Now, if I were to go sky diving again... (which I certainly hope to do)... I would know the way your skin feels going 180 mph... I'd know how screwed you were if your shoot didn't open. I'd know... The experience.
But right now, I do not what the experience ahead entails. I don't really know what will be the struggles... But I do foresee one as being homesick and missing SO MANY PEOPLE.
So. Here is step one of keeping in contact with me.
EMAIL.
lizziemiller1@gmail.com
memorize it.
STEP TWO will entail creating a group where I will demand everyone who wants to keep in contact with me on my world tour to leave their email on the wall
STEP THREE will culminate in the creation of a new blog, one specific for the trip that I will keep updating as I go.
That's just the general plan.
Now, if everyone will excuse me, I have my tumblr addiction to return to.... and I'm about to start a new episode of criminal minds. I have a very busy day ahead, as you may be able to tell.
