I'm still unemployed... But I have found some things to do with my summer.
This summer, I'm committing myself to to preparing for the year ahead. Essentially, I've devoted that "bored" time everyone gets... the point where facebook makes you nauseous, you've stumbled for a while, and already looked at a new camera online for like an hour.... i've devoted it to reading (mostly the required stuff for my big ole trip) and working out.... Low key, who hasn't seen me yet awkwardly working out on various parts of foothill? I swear it... Every class I see at least one person I know. People have pulled over and honked... I kid you not. Good thing I definitely do NOT have a sweating problem and always look SUPA attractive when this happens. Oh, and I usually have control over my breathing so speaking to people isn't a problem either... okay. not. none of that is true. but you should have already known that.
All of this working out/reading though has become a weirdly.. spiritual experience? First of all, let me tell you about something... EVERYONE NEEDS TO READ THIS BOOK CALLED ISHMAEL. it makes you question the way we live, as humanity... not necessarily as Americans... just as human beings. The way we manipulate the world, like we are the Gods, taking what we want and building what we "need" to sustain civilization.... according to the book, we live like the "Gods" ruling the earth and what not.... so naturally with all these endorphin high induced pondering and philosophical reading.... I've been thinking a lot about well... GOD?
I've had a lot of religious phases. I was raised a weird hybrid of Judiasm and Catholicism, and eventually chose to be Catholic... and now I guess I've chosen to be "agnostic"... whatever that means... But I really got to thinking... who is it? what does God mean? and the truth is... I still don't really have much of an answer... Which I think is OKAY. I mean, all we can do in life is ask questions? and ask better questions? so many questions? (thank you rosencrantz and guildenstern).
BUT I have decided this. SOMETIMES "God" is found in people. And I don't mean like.... charity or even a religious figure like the pope or something. I came to this conclusion during bootcamp...
Basically, during bootcamp we have to count out the number of seconds, or repetitions of whatever it is we are doing... which, if you are struggling to breathe, you are going to be struggling to shout out numbers and count. naturally, sometimes it gets too hard to count, there just isn't enough breath or control of it to be able to speak... one of these times... I found "God". It sounds so simple, but it was one of those moments in time where I thought I literally could not do another sit up if I tried. But somehow, this older soulful and fit black woman still could. No one else was counting, but her rich voice still carried through... Counting one by one the escalating number of tightening of the abs until we were done... and somehow, her voice, her ability to count, it made me finish. it made me act. it made me achieve.
Isn't that what "God" does? Doesn't "he" make us act, make us achieve, push us closer to our goals, guide us through things when we think we can go no more? Is there a reason that "God" isn't tangible, identifiable? Is it because truly we are all a little bit of "God"..... truly, what is the difference between prayer and talking to a good friend.... are you not looking for the information we as humans, as ourselves, apparently don't have? the knowledge of what is good and what is evil?
To be honest, I don't even really know what I'm even getting at anymore.... But bootcamp meets today at memorial park, so make sure to drive by, honk, wave, and set up a picnic on the grass... I'd also appreciate any signs and body painting if you guys are up to it. Because face it..... I HAVE NO SHAME.
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