In the mood to ramble...

So... I'm cruising the boulevard at approx 9 am already ten minutes late to second period the other day when I have to slam on my breaks to let a pedestrian pass.  Now, I'm sure if I ever actually walked anywhere and didn't consistently park illegally places to avoid walking at all, I might have more sympathy for people crossing streets. But I don't, so I hold all pedestrians in some form of contempt. 

But anyway, it was actually two pedestrians, a mid twenties male and a little girl. The male was in uniform... and contrary to most women... I HATE A MAN IN UNIFORM. Well, I at least hate a man in an army  uniform...

NOW, before I go on some rant and get labeled a terrorist and a secret Al Queda spy or something... My grandpa was in the korean war or something. All I know is he is a vet... and i'm not even going on an ANTI war brigade... but I am about to rage with the keyboard... 

I literally do not understand why military personnel like... wear their uniforms all the time. I understand sacrificing your life for your country is exceptionally noble... but isn't going into burning buildings pretty noble too? or being a surgeon and paying for an excessive amount of education just so one day you can save people's lives also like... PRETTY NOBLE? but  you don't see firemen wearing their outfits outside the station on their days off, nor do surgeons wear their blood stained scrubs to walk their daughter to school... It just really bothers me.... Like it's great and thanks for being all patriotic, but what's with the uni? I literally don't understand. 


So they eventually crossed, and I proceeded to the next light... 

It took all of 30 minutes for this overweight Mexican kid on a scooter to scoot between the white lines... The red hand was up about 1/3 of the way into the endeavor. I'm not making fun of people for their weight, but its like what happened to bikes... or you know... foot power? the scootie just wasn't working out. 


This is all coming from the girl that up until JUNIOR year occasionally rode her razor scooter to softball practice with a gigantic softball bag slung oh so casually over one shoulder... polyester pants and high socks all the way down foothill... Why didn't my mom tell me I was such a freaking loser... it is straight up freaking miraculous I've ever had any friends... 

Anyway, maybe I should have moved to the Dena sooner because clearly here scooting is an acceptable practice... none of the other cars honked angrily at the poor kid scooting like I did... (okay, I didn't actually honk... but I seriously really wanted to.)  


gasp. wait. did she say she moved? haha, yes, I did move again. I've had people with knowledge of various components of my life trying to figure out where I am now located. Pretty funny. I'm pretty sure at this point I could say I'm living in the Dursley's stair closet and people would believe me... I mean, if harry potter hadn't already done it... 


but with every move, there are things you miss about your ex-housey. 

For example, I really miss my pet lizard that lived with me in the TROSE.

kidding. 

anyone who has talked to me in the past month has probably heard the horrid tales of the demon lizard that took over my previous residence. and for those of you who haven't...here is a quick break down of the six inch reptile that ruined my life.... or you know, just scared the living shit out of me and kept me out of my own bed for almost a week... 

he was spotted right before spring break started... I didn't sleep there for four days... I had a lizard hunter come and try and  find the bastard... and after moving all the furniture and no appearance by the devilish creature, I decided it was safe to return... because EVERY ONE FREAKING TOLD ME THAT IT HAD PROBABLY LEFT... THAT LIZARDS DON'T LINGER... if any one ever tells you this... ignore them. they are not lizard whisperers like you may think and do not know jack about lizard habits. 

so fast forward to a week ago... the same little guy scampers out of a closet one morning.... luckily my mom was there to witness his existence (people thought I was going insane and few believed such a lizard even was real) and shove the guy in a corner and trap him with some random posters... any way, long story short, the lizard became rampant and vivacious and began to cause some serious physiological issues... so.... let's just say.... I TRIED TO DROWN IT IN BLEACH AND STUN IT IN THE EYES WITH HAIR SPRAY. I know... I know..... SOOOO INHUMANE... THAT LIZARD IS SOMEONE'S LIKE MOM OR SOMETHING... well if it's someone's mom then why the hell is it living in my closet, why isn't it with its family... yeah PETA that's what I thought... so let me wrap up this lizard story before people label me internet scum and a waste of their time... but what happened was...  I thought the lizard was dead... but there was no way me or my mom was scooting out some dead thing (euw) so I called one of my fearless bytches, GFRAZ. She came to scoot it, she gave it two hard sweeps, and the guy CAME BACK TO LIFE AND RAN TO THE HALLWAY NEAR MY BEDROOM. which really just goes to show.... Karma is a BITCH if you are. Eventually the lizard was finally released back into the wild streets of montrose after it hid under a plastic bag near the door....  I will never forget that lizard. that crazy MF. 


I will also miss a few of the local spots... Like Rocky Cola for instance... The only "diner" I really ever go to... But I think I only go there because in movies whenever criminals or people like evading the law or whatever ALWAYS meet at diners while on the run... or at least eat there and usually throw a wad of money on the table before literally running out the door... I've been waiting my whole life to witness some kind of dramatic diner "dine and dash" by criminals.... Diners are just sketchy... I figure if I sit in one long enough Danny Ocean is likely to come and ask me to be part of his crew, recently renamed Ocean's 14 (since it now would include me....).... Who am I kidding if George Clooney was in visual distance from me I would have a heart attack on the spot and never live to tell the tale. I mean, especially if I'm spending that much time at diners waiting for it to happen. Hello milk shakes/fries up the wahoooozooolle.


ANYWAY.... my itunes is open and is being totally random and GWEN STEFANI just came on and now I'm so add thinking about how epic she is for saying "take a chance you stupid hoe" in her song over and over again. what a bad ass. 

 

first encounters

I  met my friend's roomate last night. Even though she isn't even college yet. I've actually met a few future roomates lately... But how can this be? my friends and their roomates haven't actually met yet... WHAT? profound. 

These questions are answered by one word... technology. 


i've never been one to handwrite letters... pull a rick mohney and declare email the worst thing society has yet to encounter... I never write by warm candlelight... I use the zipper, not the hook and eye. oh wait... I wasn't declaring reasons why I wasn't amish... I was explaining that I was not a anti-technology crusader (let's face it... I'm a BLOGGER.)... but just a little weirded out by the type of "first encounters" we now have. 

Isn't it weird that the first time my friend's roomate met me.... was over a recorded video? I told her to add me after, which she did... but I mean... now we will never have the actual "first encounter" we will never have that weird embrace... we will already know each others hobbies, what kind of music the other listens to, siblings, past relationship status... etc. ISN'T THAT WEIRD? 


Facebook, my love and pride and joy... is essentially ruining actually getting to know people. and it kinda bothers me. 

at the same time, look at the kind of crap we all post. I am super charged guilty times ten of this. we all post crap to make ourselves look a certain way. hell, look at the image i'm projecting... ah gawd. facebook. chips and lawlsa man. chips and lawlsa. (creds to DICKLER (ryley sickler... keep up). 


look, I promised I'd make it happen. low key. I LOVE TRENDING WORDS. (phewf, that felt good to get off my chest. no one knew THAT before.) 

Anywhoozile, it just all makes me laugh. Like is this the college experience we've all tried so hard for? A world pre-meditated by FACEBOOK? 


Well shit, call me Cady Heron.... (after all, I will be spending sometime in south africa next year, Jambo!).... maybe I am just a freakin jungle freak who isn't even going to college NEXT YEAR. 


bahaha. awh gawd. 
It's like the rolflmation lawlzification act of 1863. 
just that funny. 

Sorry I'm Not Sorry

I know we've all been in the kind of mood where you just say... wow... music today sucks. I'm in that kind of mood right now, so let me take off my fingerless gloves, my beanie, and put down the stog and starbucks I'm holding so I can properly bitch about society. Ugh wait, these ivy colored cords are making me itch too. brb. 

yup, those were attempts at "hipster" jokes. 

(low key going to coachella... I'm qualified to make this kind of social commentary. NO BIG DEAL. LAWLLZZZYYY. Hope people get my foe sense of entitlement...) 
 

Anyway, I'm driving in my car jammin to my ipod listening to Sittin On the Dock of the Bay by Otis Redding. First of all, I would just like to say believe it or not, Otis and I may have the same soul. But really. Sittin on the Dock of the Bay is essentially a song all devoted to the act of crusting... 

So I'm just gonna sit on the dock of the bay
Watching the tide roll away
Ooo, I'm sittin' on the dock of the bay
Wastin' time

Look like nothing's gonna change
Everything still remains the same
I can't do what ten people tell me to do
So I guess I'll remain the same, yes....

Tell me those lyrics don't exemplify the crust. 

Anyway... so I'm jammin out with Otis and realizing we're soulmates and the next song that comes on is Down on Me. 

"Heard you go that sticky
Lets go and take 9 shots, we'll just call it fifty
And I'm gonna lick it, lick it, lick it
Till her hicky have her Rev running
Keep you running 'til you whimpy, bang, bang, bang, bang" 

Seeing those lyrics actually in front of you kinda makes you go... oh wow Jermih... you are an effing idiot. Is it me or is the phrase, heard you go that sticky just plain offensive? No one really knows how to cope... and Lets go and take 9 shots, we'll just call it fifty? dude... you can't do that.. and does anyone else think its low key kind of bitch drinking to associate 9 shots to 50? LIKE ITS FIFTY. Does Jermih really get that trashed off 9 shots that he calls it fifty? I mean 9 shots is a lot to drink... but you're a freaking rapper... I thought you chased coke lines with four lokos (the originals, not the new ones that took out the little shot of crack at the bottom...). IDK. Just a bit disappointing. I'm not sure I would party with Jermih. Especially because he randomly ends verses with the words bang, bang, bang, bang when he can't think of anything else... loser. 

Another song that just gets me every time is Enrique's "Tonight I'm Fucking You".... Like are you kidding? What a great rhetorician you are... 

Here’s the situation
Been to every nation
Nobody’s ever made me feel the way that you do
You know my motivation
Given my reputation
Please excuse I don’t mean to be rude

But tonight I’m fucking you
Oh you know
That tonight I’m fucking you
Oh you know
That tonight I’m fucking you

Is it just me... or is there no ruder words than But tonight I'm fucking you. Uhm.... Hello? Imagine this scene is going down in "da club" or where ever the hell these thugs party... like Hey, you know my motivation... given uh my scummy reputation.... please excuse, I mean, I really don't mean to be rude but... TONIGHT I'M FUCKING YOU. Like what does that even mean? Like no matter what he's going to get in her pants? Dead or Alive? Roofied or just drunk? Dude. Enrique, you're a MF (mothafu....) RAPIST. Mom, pick me up... and then pick up Enrique.. we're bringing him back to Mexico. Society wasn't ready. 

My hating isn't limited to just men. I mean, hellooooo Katy Perry... Do you ever feel... Like a plastic bag?... No... I actually don't. Firework was on one of the cds in my car for a while, IT'S JUST SO DAMN CATCHY.  But the beginning gets me every time. 

But with all these big ole dummies gracing the top ten charts of itunes.... How can we even poke fun at Rebecca Black? Yes.... "Friday" was a bit extreme... But was it that much worse than admitting sometimes you feel like a plastic bag? Or that you know, tonight I'm fucking you?

If we really need to mock someone as a whole... Its gotta be this girl.... 

This video changed my life, and made me realize... anyone... can be famous. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7DwT_2QQU64&feature=player_embedded

If you've got a minute. watch it.

Now, I've gotta run... using all those lyrics sites gave me about 1,000 pop up windows to close, most of which are making noises... the combination of the pop up sounds and "My Jeans" is making me feel... well... like I did this morning... Jambs.